Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
