I'm laying in your front yard are you home
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
