end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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