Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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