You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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