mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
