What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
