yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
