and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
