Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
