just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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