Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
