Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
