it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
