So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
