One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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