Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
