My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
