I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
