guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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