So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
