I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
