I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
