You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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