she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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