Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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