I think my fart just growled at me.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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