I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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