I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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