I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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