I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
