We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
