I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
