Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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