Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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