If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
