Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
