I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
