Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
