I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
