So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
