I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
