So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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