I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
