"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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