you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
