never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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