all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
