I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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