i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
soo... how was my night?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
