That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
